There’s still over a week in which to participate in the consumerist extravaganza that is Christmas shopping. Chances are you’ve been putting it off, because everyone does every single year. And why wouldn’t you? The mall is like a scene from Dante’s Inferno, and it’s not for the faint of heart. So take a look at Man B Que’s gift guide, lovingly crafted by an esteemed panel of heavy drinkers, meat eaters, and grill pirates. Just click the product names to follow links to best that Christmas has to offer. If the person on your list doesn’t like something you get them from our list, then they weren’t worth knowing in the first place.
JB Mays
Serious Eats, who I slagged in my last post, actually hipped me to the amazing deals going on for this particular model. There’s nothing better than a good, dependable pan, and this one will last you forever. This price is also an insane deal, which helps. You’ll use it so frequently and so lovingly that your other pans will get jealous and try to give it an eating disorder. But they won’t succeed, will they? So, um, buy this pan.
I’m proud owner of one myself. It’s extremely well-made – the best-quality board I own. When I found that someone had synthesized cooking with nerdery, I nearly cried with joy.
OnCue’s Business of Barbecue Class
If you’re looking to splurge, you can do no better than taking one of 17th Street Bar and Grill’s barbecue catering classes. Mike Mills is a four-time World Champion who single-handedly put Illinois barbecue on the map. His downstate restaurants are destinations unto themselves, and he’s been featured on more TV programs than I care to look up. This is the barbecue equivalent of taking trumpet lessons from Miles Davis. People literally come from as far away as New Zealand to take this class. You can learn not only how to create world-class barbecue, but how to make a living at it. They’re not messing around, but like Mills says, “if it were easy, anyone could do it.”
On a related note, anyone with a couple hundred to spare can toss one of these classes my way.
Twist-off Jones
As Mr. Jones says, “used best on … everything.”
The quintessential tool … recommends this product.
Johnny Walker
Even the Red Label blows the doors off of the majority of competition. This being the holidays, however, why not go a little upscale? Especially if you’re buying for a Man B Que-er.
Ricky Thumbs
A surprising amount of people like both the Bears and wine. Da Coach is doing all right for himself.
Lemmy’s Autobiography, White Line Fever
I can’t even fathom why I’m not reading this right at this exact moment.
And now a shameless plug for Rick’s apparel company. BUY! BUY! BUY!
Death Toll Scholl
At the Rock for Kids show, the owner of the Metro espoused his love for this versatile grill/smoker for a solid 15 minutes. The thick walls make for excellent insulation while doing cold-weather grilling. Could have used a few of these at the Que For the Choir last February.
They say “I binge drink, but I’m classy about it.” Later on in the night, they say “theHELLareyouuuulookingat?”
The animal, not the Cuban reggaeton guy. Although he might be lonely too, so take a shot.
This is the most un-genius idea ever. Seriously, who
hasn’t thought of this? Every Man B Que has mention of how “someone
should invent a beer holster.” Am I hating on this? Yes. It’s part of
being a bitter and jaded Chicago asshole. Are we ever happy for anyone
else’s success, well, other than those named Ditka, Payton or Jordan?
The other part is purely out of respect and jealousy that we didn’t go
ahead and find a manufacturing plant, complete with 11 year old
laborers, in Malaysia to have this made for us first. Now you’ll have your
hands free to be able to do things like flip burgers or punch annoying
guests without having to put your beer down only to have it get
knocked over as said guest thrashes around as they are being pummeled. Anyway, this
is a great ‘for him’ gift.
HOLY F@CKING HUGE! Ok, I know this isn’t
the biggest grill out there, but for urban settings, you can’t beat
the Weber Ranch Kettle Grill. Yes, I do want to punch the Weber people
because they haven’t sponsored Manbque yet, but I can’t deny how great
their products are. One of my personal favorite features on the kettle
is the ‘Tuck-away’ lid holder; I would hate having to find a spot to
place this lid as I’m re-loading it with charcoal. Well, with the
Tuck-away Lid feature, I don’t have to! (Repeat that last part in your
best Billie Mays voice) This grill has a 1104 sq. in. cooking area!
You can fit endless pieces of meat on this thing. Perfect for a Man B
Que. (If Weber doesn’t sponsor us now, all hell will break loose)
Awesome box sets
A. David Bowie
No other artist out there makes me say, “what
the fuck? I LOVE this!” Bowie was musically ahead of his time and has
always had me questioning his sexual orientation. So I guess this is a
recipe for great music. This box set has a bunch of neat, fan-boy
junk, replica back-stage passes and tickets, etc. I personally don’t have room for
stuff like this in my tiny apartment, but I can certainly see the appeal. Dude has been
around for over 40 years as an artist. Amazing.
For the record, I think Hendrix was wayyyy overrated, but he was
still pretty awesome. This box set has work he did before the
‘Experience’ days. It’s neat to hear him as a supporting guitarist
for artists like the Isley Brothers and Little Richard. Definitely
worth picking up.
C. SLAYER:
Ok, I normally scoff at those closet, pretentious
music jag-offs that insist on buying vinyl over cd’s or mp3’s. Mostly
because they do it just so they can say that they own and prefer
vinyl. That being said, you will never find me pushing anything vinyl,
until now. The sound quality/difference, albeit a slight one, between
vinyl and all else has never mattered to me, again, until now. The
instant Raining Blood kicks in, I get the urge to scream, “fuck yeah,”
start swinging my head around, imagining I had long, glorious
heavy-metal locks and play some pretty amazing air guitar. Wow. Sorry.
You NEED to buy this.
how about links to each of these products? it is the internet…
If you roll over the item you’re interested in, you will see that it is a link. For example, if you like ‘Da Coach’s’ Wines, click on Da Coach’s Wine and it will take you to their site.