It’s Friday, and you’re in line waiting for a rectangle of pizza served by a surly woman with the best mustache this side of Tom Selleck. This was school cafeteria food at its finest during our formative years. In the days before beer, THIS was the reason we looked forward to Fridays.

I’d often looked for a way to replicate that crappy-pizza magic, but it seemed like the dish was forever relegated to the foodservice realm. Then someone turned me on to the recipe below – which, looking around after cooking, I realized looks a lot like this one – and it all clicked. The big-ass sheet pan, the just-browned-enough cheese, and the pure geometric beauty of a non-triangle slice. And what’s more, it actually tastes good, which is something that school pizza wasn’t always able to consistently deliver.

The Setup

Dough

- 1 russet potato
- 15 oz (3 1/4 c) flour
- 1 tbsp kosher salt
- 1 packet yeast
- 1/4 c sugar
- 1/2 c olive oil

Sauce

- 1/4 c olive oil
- 3 cloves garlic, smashed and peeled
- 28 oz can whole tomatoes, drained
- 2 tbsp Worcestershire
- 2 tsp dried oregano leaves
- 1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
- 2 tsp sugar
- Fresh basil leaves, to taste
- Kosher salt

Topping

- 1/2 lb mozzarella
- Fresh Parmesan (not the green can)
- Pizza meat, if you like/dare

Cooking

1. With the skin still on, boil the potato in a medium saucepan until cooked through, 16-20 min, depending on the size of your potato.

2. Peel off the skin and rice the potato.

3. Put the flour, salt, yeast sugar, and 2 tbsp oil into the stand mixer. Add 1/2 c water and mix on medium. When the flour is incorporated, add the potato and mix five minutes on medium-high. It’s should be good and stretchy, as well as consistent.

4. Grease up a large, heavy aluminum sheet pan with the olive oil. Spread over the dough and cover with plastic wrap for 2 1/2 hours, oiling the top so the dough won’t stick.

5. Preheat the oven to 550. Make the sauce by browning the garlic in some oil, then tossing in a bowl with the tomatoes to puree.

5. Cook the oregano and red pepper in the same pan with a tablespoon of oil for one minute. Add the puree, Worcestershire, and the chopped basil leaves. Bring it to a boil, reduce the heat, and simmer for 20 minutes.

6. Even out the dough after it’s risen and brush the edges with olive oil.

7. Spread a cup of the sauce over the pizza, leaving the oiled edges to grate with Parmesan. Bake for five minutes.

8. Remove from the oven, top with mozzarella, and add the rest of the sauce. Grate additional parmesan on top and bake for 15 minutes, until well-browned with crisp crust.

9. Cut into squares and serve to ungrateful grade schoolers on a cafeteria tray. Hairnet optional.