Holiday shopping for the beer-drinking, meat-eating man can be difficult. How can you be sure to get the right gift with so many man-targeted options (some of them incredibly crappy) on the market? Simple answer: buy something from the list below. We created an expert panel from the ManBQue teams in Chicago and Columbus to show you the gifts that will warm the heart of your bearded, drunken man friend (or special man friend) this December 25th.
We’d like to note that we received precisely NONE of this stuff as a freebie. So everything’s an unbiased opinion on stuff we like. Except the first item, which would constitute a massive bias if it wasn’t the greatest grilling book ever committed to paper.
ManBQue: Meat. Beer. Rock and Roll. Cookbook $15
We spent a year writing this cookbook. It’s the collected wisdom of the ManBQue collective, and as a bonus, it has the most swearing of any food book without the name Bourdain on the cover. We love it and we know you will too.
Shakoolie-Shower Koozie $0.99
The Shakoolie shower koozie combines functionality and innovation to up your shower-drinking game. Instead of paying $10 for some worthless dual-action sponge that grosses everyone out, get a bathroom accessory that you can all enjoy. Wait, how many people are you sharing your shower with?
3-in-1 Hermetus Bottle Opener and Sealer $9
This German-made bottle opener can hermetically re-seal your opened beers with the gasket built into the underside. Hermetically sealing your bottle will keep beer fresher during bottle shares, or when you don’t feel like finishing a beer. Like if you have the flu or just caught your hand in a machine press and need to go to the hospital. Just seal it up and put it back in the fridge. Then drink it later, or else all this German engineering is in vain.
Sriracha Salt $9.50
You like Sriracha? Why not season your food with this chili-flavored salt before you douse it in Sriracha sauce? It’s the Pimp My Ride of condiment excess.
CaJohn Sauces $10
Living in Columbus, Ohio has its benefits: great college football atmosphere, amazing up-and-coming craft brewery scene, fantastic restaurants and food trucks. But nothing beats the fact that Columbus is home to the king of everything spicy – the one and only John “CaJohn” Hard. Now those of you outside of Cbus can enjoy these fiery treats.
OXO 12″ Stainless Steel Tongs $12.95
If you’re going to dream up the perfect grill recipe with homemade sauce and just the right garnish, why are you flipping your masterpiece with the hand-crippling tongs from those garbage all-in-one sets? These spring-loaded tongs offer perfect control, and they’re cheap enough that if you leave them somewhere, it’s not a massive tragedy.
Campfire Cologne $12.95
It’s called cologne, but it’s really just shit you burn to smell like the outdoors, which we suppose is way more authentic. A hilarious gift for the outdoorsman in your life, provided you give a pass to the odd, hipsterish, possibly racist commercial.
Etekcity Laser Infrared Thermometer $16.98
As much as we try to science things up, grilling retains an aura of witch-doctorishness to a lot of our membership. As such, we’re treated to the occasional too-rare chicken leg or a pork chop with the blackened color of an exploded cartoon coyote. Banish the demons of superstition with an infrared thermometer, which will tell you exactly how hot your fire or cooking surface is before you subject your food to flame. Pairing temperatures to results will make you a far better cook.
Meat.Beer.Rock&Roll Tshirt $20
It’s not just a slogan, it’s a lifestyle. We’ve been living it for years and suggest you do too. This shirt is guaranteed to turn heads.
ThinkGeek Tactical BBQ Apron $40
In most cases, it’s tough to look manly while wearing an apron. While it is infinitely manlier to go sans apron, the subsequent BBQ stains on our shirts are a bastard to fight come laundry day. Problem solved!
Vienna Beef Chicago-Style Hot Dog Kit/Ultimate Package $41.95-77.95
One of our own earned his degree from the venerable (and real!) Hot Dog University in 2014. While we take fantastic hot dogs on nearly every corner for granted, it’s surprisingly hard to find a good natural casing dog outside of the Chicago metro area. Indulge your favorite meat eater with this all-in-one kit. There’s no substitute for the perfect dog.
Trucker’s Friend All-Purpose Survival Tour $59.95
Sure, we could tell you how this badass multitasker can cut branches, pry wood and nails, and hack away at ice. Plus, it’s made in AMERICA, like Jack Daniel’s, college football, and Johnny Cash. But really, you’re thinking “hey, I have an unhealthy fixation with pop culture and apocalyptic fiction – how does it fare on zombies?” Just fine, friend. This baby’s the all-purpose ghoul skull cracker and undead brain-scrambler you’ve been looking for.
Doc Elliott Beard Grooming Set $65
First introduced to us by our beard expert Kevin Delury’s article. We find that Doc Elliott’s beard products not only smell great, but also provide ample moisturize and hold for your face-coat.
Do you hate the petrochemical smell of your friend or significant other subjecting their delicious meat to horrible lighter fluid? Solve the problem by gifting them a Looftlighter. It’s essentially a super-heated hair dryer that will have your charcoal roaring hot in less than 5 minutes. You can also use it to clean your grill grates or start a fireplace.
Char-Griller Duo $385
This beast of a grill lets you use either charcoal or Hank Hill’s drug of choice, propane. It also easily converts into a smoker with the Char-Griller Side Fire Box ($65) add-on. We’ve smoked 25 lbs of pork butt at once on it. Other features include a 12,000 BTU side burner, 876 sq. inch main grill area, and adjustable grate height.