MBQ&A: Deep Dish, Bad Beer, and the Swayze


MBQ&A: Deep Dish, Bad Beer, and the Swayze

QA

Welcome back to MBQ&A, where our expert panel addresses issues of Meat, Beer, and Rock n’ Roll. Your questions:

“What’s the single worst beer you’ve ever drank?”

Death Toll Scholl: Single worst beer I have had … hmmm, that’s tough. I brewed beer that became infected once, and the taste of infected beer is horrible. I’ve been to bar with really dirty lines that cause all the beers to taste like sulfur. Funny thing was this place was also a mirco brewery, so you’d think they’d know better. I am not a huge fan of overly spiced beers, especially coriander. There are a few popular beers that are heavy coriander that are done well, that I don’t care for. So I’ve been avoiding the question and talking in circles.

I had a bottle share recently and a coffee stout from a deep Southern state was opened. This one was sampled by all, but liked by none. We actually ended up pouring 1/3 a bomber down the drain. I’m not going to publicly bash a brand for bad beer, but this was BAD.

JB Mays: In my days as a budget-conscious college student, I relied on some extremely economically-driven brews. There was Red Dog (voiced by Tommy Lee Jones!). There was Southpaw (Beer Advocate deems it “awful”). There was even Stroh’s, which had notes of wooden den paneling and a bitchin’ can. But nothing, and I mean nothing, was as cheap and terrible as Beer 30, which I found in Lebanon, Tennessee.

Let’s ignore the fact that it’s got a fantastic name and comes in what looks to the casual eye like a can of grape juice. It’s brewed in Milwaukee, but I’ve never seen it north of the Mason-Dixon. Even Milwaukee, which drinks some hilariously bad beer, seems to make it solely to export. I hear it’s the reason for the terrible math and science test scores in certain parts of eastern Kentucky. And it tastes … awful. Not awful in an interesting way. Just bad, stale, American adjunct lager. It’s bad enough that halfway through a can (it always tastes warm, even ice cold!), you start to wonder if those RateBeer commenters might have a good point or two. Yeah, that bad.

“Why do you call Chicago-style deep dish ‘pizza’ – it’s just a casserole, really. I spent time in Italy and can’t imagine why you flyover staters would compare their pizza to your pan of cheese-lava.”

JB Mays: This is the reason it’s impossible to read comment sections on pizza without wanting to commit homicide. I know that Anthony Bourdain expressed this opinion, and you follow him on Twitter, so you have to have the same tastes. But seriously – you’re not going to change language fighting your Internet fight.

It’s pizza. Made with the same ingreidents, but more of them. In a deep dish. Thus, it’s Deep Dish Pizza. So relax. I actually prefer thin crust, as most people tend to. I give Chicago the edge in hot dogs and New York the edge in pizza if I’m asked to absolutely rank. No shame in the deep dish game, I just have a preference. And that’s okay.

Side note – I do not appreciate your tone, sir or madam. You are officially The Worst. Kind of a running theme with deep dish critics.

Tomax: Chicago-style pizza refers to the deep dish pie style of pizza. Unlike a New York-style pizza or other flat pizzas a Chicago-style refers to the pizza having a crust that can go up to about 3″ high with the cheese inside of the pizza and the sauce on top.

No one is exactly positive who specifically invented the Chicago Style Deep Dish but they do know it first came out of Uno’s Pizza in downtown Chicago. It is not at all like a flat pizza that you would get in Italy or New York. It has been argued since the dawn of Chicago-style pizza which is better, New York or Chicago style.

Why there is even an argument on which is better doesn’t make sense to me. The truth is it’s like arguing what is better, a Ferrari or a Ford F150. They have about the same in common as a super car and a work truck. A lot of people outside of Chicago don’t understand the appeal, but with the thick buttery crust, layers of cheese and the sauce on the top I can tell you one thing – I will have 2 slices please.

“Greatest celebrity-performed song of all time. The celebrity in question can’t be primarily known as a musician. GO!”

Instagram: Ohhhh boy. Let’s see here…

Do we go with Eddie Murphy being coached by a superhuman coked-out Rick James? No, too easy.

What about the interchangeable likes of Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan shuffling through the auto-tuned hellscape of derivative house music? Still, too easy.

Bruce Willis? Kevin Bacon? Nah. For my money there’s only one person worthy of the title of “Greatest Celebrity-Performed Song.”

Edward Furlong.

In 1991, riding the wave of success for his role as the young John Conner in T2: Judgement Day, young Edward cut an album called “Hold on Tight.” Unless you were a Japanese schoolgirl in the early 90’s, chances are you never heard this song until the glory of YouTube (“YouTube: unearthing your secret shame since 2005!”).

It’s perfect: you can clearly hear in his voice that he has no idea what the fuck is happening. Just picture this kid who clearly has no vocal talent stuck in a booth doing take after take of songs he didn’t write, all the while looking at his parents in the control room fighting with one another about who gets to sleep on his pile of money that night.

It’s the perfect testament to the early 90’s. A prepubescent Tiger-Beat heartthrob being completely bled dry by the people he entrusts to help him. Mind you, I’m not advocating child labor. No, actually I totally am because it sounds absolutely hilarious on album years after the fact.

JB Mays: It’s gotta be The Swayze. If you think there’s anything better than “She’s Like the Wind” – which makes a cameo in our book – then you’re just a fool to believe. Truth.

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