You, readers and patrons of ManBQue, have questions about grilling. And honestly, it’s one of our favorite things to do to answer them. Especially because they’re often along the lines of “Can you grill X?” At one of the last events, a newer attendee was marveling at the variety of food, legitimately believing that the [...]
Editor’s Note: This piece marks the debut of Man B Que’s newest writer, Vizz. She (yes, that’s right, she) will be sharing meat-centric recipes on a weekly-ish basis. Her excellent blog, Food vs. Face, can be found here.
When springtime rolls around, young men’s thoughts turn to those of fancy (read: boners), but mine turn to food. As much as I would love to be grilling, my precious has a defective valve and I have to improvise. A food fare that incorporates much of my favorite animal (the pig), as well as bold (but not spicy) flavors and doesn’t necessarily require a grill hails from the home of Castro, cigars as long as your arm, dominoes and the guyabera.
I’ve been known to keep a brick in the kitchen for making Cuban sandwiches and thumping hobos, so while the press-sandwich is easy and tempting, I wanted to experiment. Or, how do they say in Cuba, “prostituta?”
Sauce:
olive oil
1/2 C fresh lime juice
4 tbsp orange juice
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbsp cilantro, finely chopped
honey or agave nectar to taste
Cooking
1. Preheat your oven to 400. Combine all of the dry ingredients for the chops (corn flake crumbs, seasonings, orange zest) in a shallow bowl. Fill another shallow dish with the buttermilk. Prep in advance note: If you have time, let the chops sit in the buttermilk in the fridge for an hour or two. It’s the same tenderizing process used in most Southern fried chicken.
2. Dip the pork chops into the buttermilk (if not already marinated in it), then into the crumb mixture on both sides. Use your hands to pack the crumbs onto both sides tightly.
3. Delicately* place them on a lightly oiled baking sheet and bake for 25-40 minutes, depending on the thickness of your chops. *Delicately (adv): Using extreme caution and care, like when you called your mom from jail.
They may look good enough to eat already, but it’s worth the wait if you want to avoid worms.
While your pork is in the oven, get crackin‘ on your sauce, as it needs to be cooled in the refrigerator before serving.
4. Heat about 2 tbsp olive oil in a small saucepan over medium heat. Saute the garlic until it’s just barely golden brown. Add your orange and lime juices, increase the heat a bit and bring it to a boil. Simmer for about 5 minutes. If you have honey or agave nectar on hand, add it while the sauce is simmering.
5. Remove from heat, add your cilantro, and stir to combine everything. I had a little orange zest left, so I threw that in as well.
6. Divvy into ramekins or one big sauce dish and refrigerate until your chops are done.
If you have extra thick pork chops, it’s not a bad idea to check the internal temp to make sure it’s reached 160 before serving.
Thanks to the power of Facebook, I was recently united with a high school classmate-turned-chef – Tim Fein. He suggested that his marinade recipe would hold up at any grilling event and could be used with any meat. I wondered if this marinate would really stand up to Man B Que standards so I decided to try it out on my new grill.
The Setup
A Fine Fein Marinade
3 c v8 juice
2 shots whiskey (2 oz.)
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tbsp honey
¾ c oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbsp minced shallot
2 limes, juiced
3 tbsp of minced fresh cilantro
Salt and pepper
Cooking
Combine all the ingredients in a medium bowl, then apply to whatever you deign to grill. I applied it to shrimp, but think it would be a great chicken and beef marinade as well. I also grilled the shrimp skewers with some good corn on the cob – a prospect which is only going to improve as the weather improves and we venture into Illinois sweet corn season.
1. Shell, de-vein, and remove head from shrimp. Marinade shrimp for at least 30 minutes prior to grilling. Soak skewers if using wooden skewers.
2. If you haven’t already, skewer the shrimp, allowing for even spacing between individual shrimp. Do not pluralize shrimp as “shrimps,” because that is a fool-ass thing to do.
3. Shuck the outer layer of the corn, remove the silk, and soak in water for a few minutes.
4. Get your coals ready in a chimney starter, like so:
5. And set up your grill for indirect grilling, like so:
6. Remove your corn from the water and shake off excess.
7. Oil your grill grate and place corn over the direct heat, allowing for a couple of minutes per side before placing skewers over indirect heat.
8. Grill the shrimp 1-2 minutes per side, until pink.
9. Remove corn and skewers from grill, enjoy your feast of food with built-in handles.
The Maxwell Street Polish sausage is a true Chicago classic, a sort of hybridization of the classic hot dog and the kielbasa. It’s the closest thing to street food we have in this overly-regulated town, minus a couple elotes stands in the neighborhoods.
According to various stories I’ve heard slurred from bar stools over the years, the Polish wasn’t invented by a Polish guy at all, but a Macedonian immigrant named Jimmy. Now it’s got a place in the Chicago food pantheon along with Italian beef, Chicago-style dogs, and deep dish.
Since UIC’s push outward has relocated most of the original Polish purveyors, it’s as good a time as any to start a Polish sausage tradition of your own. This comes straight from Death Toll Scholl, who may not be Macedonian, but definitely isn’t Polish either.
1. Place all utensils and sausage making tools in freezer for at least 1 hour prior to beginning the grinding process. You don’t want any of the fat getting warm and mushy – that will screw with your sausage-making in a powerful fashion. So everything must be as cold as possible. Some people just keep their meat grinders in the freezer at all times – if you’ve got the space, it might be a good idea to do so.
2. Cube pork and cut bacon and arrange on a cookie sheet; put in
freezer for at least 30 minutes.
3. While meat chills, mix the dry ingredients in a bowl and prepare onions.
4. Take cookie sheet out of freezer and add the cubed onion to the meat.
5. Grind meat/onion mixture into a cold bowl set on ice.
6. Using a Kitchenaid or other type of mixer, mix chopped onion, dry ingredients and mustard
7. Prepare sausage casing. There are various types of both organic (hog, lamb) and synthetic casings to use.
8. Stuff casing, as pictured.
9. Hang casing for 1 hour. Heat the grill while practicing your Macedonian-American accent (whatever that is).
Ah, Buffalo wings – beer makes you more delicious, and you make beer more refreshing. It’s a relationship so heartwarming that Jack and Diane seem like Hitler and Eva Braun by comparison.
Prior to all the hipsters proclaiming love for tripe, kidneys, and tongue, Buffalo wings were the original culinary “one man’s trash …” story. As you all probably know, the wings were invented at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, NY, as a way to get some use from a part of the chicken that was then thought of as garbage. A little hot sauce and blue cheese later, they’ve become so popular as to substantially screw with the price of chicken itself.
If you’re going to do this, do it right. Get the jointed wings and chop those bad boys down to that familiar, recognizable shape for delicious preparation. Boneless wings are for chattering sorority girls and Guy Fieri … I repeat myself. You want that satisfying pile of bones and gristle, paying tribute to your power as a barbaric man (or, if you prefer, Amazonian lady). If you work in retail or a cubicle, it’s probably as bad-ass as you’re going to feel the entire week.
It should be said right off the bat that we’re calling these “Hot Wings” and not “Buffalo Wings.” They are not prepared in the traditional Buffalo style (i.e., not fried to hell, more than 2 ingredients in the sauce), and people from that region get mighty uppity if you deviate. This might not be Buffalo, but you can enjoy a crispy skin with a much more tender and juicy inner wing. Who ever said Buffalo was perfect, anyway? Certainly not anyone who watched Super Bowls XXV-XXVIII.
The Setup
Don’t forget, you also need a big plastic cup, featuring your alma mater, filled with half cheap whiskey and half Coke.
You’ll need the following equipment:
- Good tongs (not the tiny ones that your mom bought you when you moved into your own place that make your hands cramp and look like Stephen Hawking’s).
- Nonstick saute pan
- Large mixing bowl (for tossing wings in sauce)
- Rimmed baking pan lined with foil
Ingredients
1 dozen chicken wings (not wing pieces, actual chicken wings)
Four for dusting, seasoned with salt and pepper
3 tbsp vegetable oil
3 tbsp butter
8 tbsp hot sauce (in Buffalo, they use Frank’s Red Hot. Just saying.)
8 tbsp butter (that’d be one stick. What, you expected health food?)
1 1/2 tbsp white vinegar
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1/8 tsp garlic salt
1/2 tsp Worcestershire
1/4 tsp salt
Cooking
1. Cut through the wings at each joint. Set wing tips aside for stock, or throw away. Or do whatever you want. They’re yours. Just don’t try to make them into hot wings. That’d be gross.
2. Place all sauce ingredients (that second grouping of things above) in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil briefly, then simmer over low, stirring to prevent sticking.
If you want the traditional sauce recipe, than ignore everything but the butter and hot sauce.
3. Dust chicken wings in seasoned flour. Shake off excess. Preheat oven to 375.
4. Heat 2 tbsp each of the butter and oil over med/med-hi, depending on your oven range. Using both butter and oil will keep the butter from burning in the pan.
Cast iron works too. But if you put that in the dishwasher when you’re done, I’ll come over and punch you in the throat.
5. Brown wings in skillet for 3-4 min, until nice and golden. Flip then and repeat. Remove to baking pan.
If you want, you can brush your wings with sauce at any time during the following steps. It’s going to lead to much less crispy skin, but they’ll be both juicy and saucier than a 1920s burlesque performer. Your call.
6. Bake in the oven at 375 for 30-35 min, depending on the size of the wings.
The chicken juice and sauce leaking off of the sides of the pan, on to my oven floor, explains why I recommend a rimmed baking ban. Do as I say, not as I capture on film.
7. Turn oven up to 400, and bake for an additional 10 minutes.
8. Pour finished wing sauce into bowl. Remove pan from oven. Throw the wings into the sauce a half-dozen at a time, and toss in the bowl.
9. Crack open a cold beer, mutter “hell yes” to no one in particular, and throw on the DVD of Roadhouse. Enjoy yourself.
With an entire bowl of extra sauce – dip the celery in it, brush your teeth with it, or just drink it alone in the dark while staving off tears. Hooray for dignity!
Down home cooking – what is it to you? Everyone has their own version. A meal traditionally served at a certain time or on a specific occasion. Usually a hearty comfort food that cures what ails you. It could be your family’s Christmas morning breakfast or just the annual Thanksgiving meal. To me, it’s something special, a meal that has been eaten by my ancestors for over a century. It’s called Hatchie Bottom Stew, and it’s my down home meal. The stew around the West Tennessee homelands originated with a number of things that come together only in the Fall season, when temperatures start to cool, and a hearty, warm stew is the ultimate comfort food. This is a stew inspired by my ancestors from Virginia, where the traditional Brunswick stew is a staple food. It may be served at squirrel-hunting camps, family reunions, church dinner-on-the-grounds, political rallies, or any other gathering.
Our farmer friends often freeze the basic ingredients and make a stew in the middle of winter when farming slows down. Fall is the ultimate food season to me because:
1) The late crop of sweet corn is at its peak.
2) The tomatoes are late in the season and are the sweetest and most flavorful.
3) Squirrel season has opened, and the little critters are plentiful.
The Setup
It’s a simple food, taking very few ingredients, but lots of time, and usually some help with the stirring. Because this dish does take time, it’s recommended that it be prepared outside, as is traditional, in the biggest pot you can find. Perhaps something in the near-bath tub variety. Your normal kitchen utensils need not apply to this task – you’ll need a wooden tool that more closely resembles a boat paddle.
Now for the ingredients, you can make as big of a stew as you can fit in you pot, but the ingredients are as follows:
- One chicken (skin, meat and bones)
- One squirrel (not required, but traditional), meat and bones
- One stalk of celery, roughly chopped
- One onion, cut into eight chunks
- One can diced tomatoes
- One can corn
Cooking
The method can be somewhat of a marathon. This is where the help comes in.
1. First, fill your large pot with all your meat, the celery, and the onion. Fill the rest of the pot with water. Then bring it to a boil.
2. Once it is boiling, cover it and turn off the heat (do not uncover until the outside is cool to the touch). By this time the meat will be cooked through. Now it is time to pick it. Begin pulling the meat off of the bones making sure to keep everything but keep the meat separate (this means no cartilage). It doesn’t hurt to quickly run a knife through the meat to make sure that none of the pieces are too stringy and long.
3. After you have this completed, strain half of your original liquid, put meat in strained liquid and begin to simmer, stirring occasionally.
4. The rest of the liquid should then be boiled with the bones and skin to produce an excellent stock. As the pot with the meat begins to thicken and reduce, the addition of the stock is recommended after straining (when stock is finished, bones may then be discarded).
5. Once all liquid is added it is time to add the tomatoes. Continue to simmer for an hour, then add the corn, once the corn is added, the stew will begin to thicken quickly and will begin to stick to the sides. To combat this, constant stirring is necessary for an additional hour. After this final hour the stew is ready to serve.
The stew – not quite thick enough yet, but it will tighten up as time goes by
Serving
Service of the stew should be done quickly while it is still hot, or cooled in small batches and frozen. In my mind, only four things are appropriate as accompaniments: white bread, saltine crackers, cheddar cheese, and hot sauce. Anything else is just too much.
Further musings
The Anti-Recipe – Many great foods have great recipes. To make Hatchie Bottom Stew great, it is more important to observe what you don’t do, and what you don’t put in it. My Grandma Dorothy grew up at the center of the stew universe. Her highest compliment is “Well, I hear he makes a real clean stew.”
Anti-Ingredients:
- No Chicken knuckles (Bone-end cartlidge — see Squirrel Heads, below)
- No Squirrel heads (Pick the meat out of the stock, then strain, rather than trying to pick stuff out of the stew pot as it floats by while cooking.)
- No Shotgun Pellets (Again, strain the stock and only put in the final pot what you want to eat!)
- No Livers or Gizzards (There is no more “dirty” stew than one that has livers and gizzards floating by. It’s even dirtier if you grind them up. [See Anti-Method below.] Yuck!!!!! Dirty rice is one thing, dirty stew is entirely unacceptable.)
- No Butterbeans (Many good Brusnwick Stew recipes include butterbeans aka Lima Beans. That’s fine, soup with butterbeans is often really good, it’s just not stew)
- No Green vegetables (That might make it healthy)
- No Strawberries (Some noted stew-making friends of ours always froze mass quantities of stew ingredients whenever they were in season. They also froze a big batch of strawberries. You can see that train wreck coming. Actually, the amount of strawberries in the mass quantity of stew made little difference, but the story was good!)
Anti-Method – Do not grind anything you put in stew. Many people put their stew through a meat grinder. You grind meat for Vienna Sausage and Potted Meat. NOT STEW!!!! Your pulled chicken meat should be chopped up chicken salad size. I guess some people grind their stew to avoid that stringy old rooster!
Man B Que is a huge part of my life and I spend a lot of time promoting the whole concept. It’s great, I travel A LOT for work and everywhere I go I tell people about it and they always seem to respond with great enthusiasm. Never is this more true than when being around family. Unlike at work where everybody wants to give me a “great” recipe I “have” to try, my family is chill. They want to get to know what this “Man B Que” thing is that I have been obsessing about and more importantly, they want a peek into the grilling maniac mind so they can understand this odd passion.
I’m out in Connecticut for work and I’ve been spending time with my aunt Armandina and my uncle Al, they wanted to take me out to dinner, so they let me pick the place. I decided to go to a “world famous” pizza place that everybody raves about. Big mistake. (I’ll rant about this on the upcoming East Coast Pizza Wars blog) Anyway, I felt like a big ass, so I figured, the best way to counteract a bad food experience is with a great one. I didn’t want to rely on some restaurant, so being the “Man B Que Godfather,” I dug into my meat eating brain and created a new burger just for them. I named it the “Apology Chipotle Burger” because “I’m Sorry Aunt Armandina and Uncle Al Chipotle Burger” was way too long.
This is a smokey flavored burger with just the right amount of bite. The chipotle seasoning gives it the smoky flavor and combined with the pepper jack cheese give it a bit of a bite. My suggestion is to serve these on a nicely toasted and buttered kaiser roll and topped with either slices of avocado or a large scoop of guacamole.
Enjoy!
Ingredients:
1.25 Lbs. ground beef: organic, veggie fed 87% lean (yields 3 large burgers)
1 chopped green pepper
1/2 cup chopped oregano
1/2 Lbs. diced hot pepper jack cheese
8 tbsp. of butter
1 egg: organic, vegetarian fed
1/2 Cup of seasoned bread crumbs
Guacamole or avocado
1. Start off by mixing all of your seasoning ingredients in a small bowl, place the bowl to the side for now. The amount I’ve recommended makes a bit more than 1/2 cup of seasoning.
2. In a large bowl, mix in the green peppers and cheese with the ground beef. Make sure the ingredients are nice and evened out.
3. Melt the butter. After melting add your butter add the egg and whip both together.
4. Add cilantro and seasoning mix to the whipped egg/butter and mix both evenly.
5. Combine the beef with the butter mix. While mixing the two, add in your bread crumbs. Again, make sure everything is nice and evenly mixed.
4. Shape your patties. I like starting them off as almost a meat ball and then massaging them down to a flatter shape.
5. Place the patties on some foil and stick in the freezer for about 30 min
6. After removing from the freezer, throw your burgers on the grill. For higher heat, place for about 10 minutes per side, medium heat about 14 minutes per side.
7. Add sliced avocado to the top of the burger or a large scoop of avocado.
8. Eat the f@ck out of these burgers because they will be delicious.
Are all sandwiches created equal? The existence of Vegemite suggests that the answer is a resounding, and disgusting, no.
Vegemite: Proving the mental illness of the entire country of Australia
The sandwich is a staple of lunches everywhere, from the PB&J in the Ghostbusters lunchbox of a child (or socially inept comic book store employee) to the corned beef sandwich at your local Irish pub. The varieties of sandwiches around the world are endless. Different meats, bread, cheeses, veggies and condiments (bacon is both a meat and a condiment) allow sandwich explorers to roam to whatever combination soothes the savage glutton. Clearly, some are much better than others. Which raises the question of how to rank them.
Made with love by a bar cook with a knife scar on his face
I am not here to tell you the perfect stack – merely to offer some help in judging. The sandwich which all others should be judged by, the tasty combo that has graced us for years (its probably in your child’s lunch box today) is the bologna and cheese on white bread. It’s simple, tasty and readily available. It’s both a classic standby and the unemployed bastard’s last defense against starvation (because Ramen noodles suck).
My favorite version however uses hand sliced bologna seasoned with a quality barbecue dry. You grill it, then before taking it off the grill add sliced Hoop cheddar. When it’s all melted and delicious, serve it on toast with yellow mustard, barbecue and hot sauces (Texas Pete’s hot sauce works well).
Something like this, except not snagged off of Google Images in real life
Although this is one of my favorite sandwiches, it is not the world’s best. Only Sandwich Nazis declare absolutes. There’s always something better and more fattening around the corner. Another slightly more sophisticated interpretation of the above-described bologna sandwich follows, but use your imagination. Some say the sky is the limit. I disagree – the other piece of bread is the limit. Unless you’re some open-faced eating crackpot.
Nuclear Steak Bomb
The elegant plating and dinner napkin placement suggests this may not be a Man B Que-taken picture. Hell, the existence of a napkin at all in it is pretty conclusive evidence.
1 sirloin steak
1 bell pepper sliced
1/4 onion sliced
1 can croissant dough
1 jar mushroom gravy
Worcestershire sauce
Olive oil
Salt and pepper
1. Season and grill your steak to your desired doneness. Simplicity works best with the seasoning – Worcestershire sauce, olive oil, salt and black pepper.
2. Heat a skillet over medium, then add gravy, bell peppers, and onions
3. When steak is finished resting, slice across the grain of the meat into bite-sized pieces.
4. Put steak chunks into skillet until gravy is thick.
5. Roll out croissant dough, making sure no seams break. Pour gravy steak mix into the center of the dough. Wrap dough around the mixture and bake following the instructions from the can.
What’s a good recipe without pop culture referencing?
There are those in our fair city that live without the luxury of a deck or porch. While this is not a lifestyle choice of which I approve (I’m wagging my finger in a fatherly way right now), this should not deprive them of their right to ridiculously delicious burgers. So fear not, intrepid shut-ins, I’ve found a way for you to turn your stovetop into a steam-billowing short order diner line.
Oh, and if the whole “Steamed Hams” reference is throwing you, I suggest you click here and join the rest of us. Frankly, I’m surprised it took us this long to shoehorn in a Simpsons reference.
Cartoons aside, I’d also read a story from Gourmet editor Sara Moulton about her first job cooking, where they took a burger covered with mushrooms, onions, and cheese and steamed it with beer. I didn’t have a griddle and a big-ass metal bowl, but I did have a skillet and more than enough beer to do the job.
The Setup
(Makes 2 burgers – double it for 4. Yay, math!)
- 1/2 lb ground chuck
- 1 tbsp dijon mustard
- 1/2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
- Coarse-grained salt
- Fresh ground black pepper
- 1/2 c diced white onion
- 4 sliced mushrooms (Whatever kind you’d like. I bought a pack of Essex Kent mushrooms. They were on sale.)
- 1 jalapeno, quartered and diced
- 8 olives, diced
- 1/4 c grated white cheddar
- 1/4 c crumbled feta cheese
- 1/3 c dark ale (I used Half Acre’s Over Ale)
- 2 buns, toasted or steamed
Cooking
1. Combine the ground chuck, mustard, and Worcestershire. Season with salt and black pepper.
2. Divide beef and form into thin 1/4 lb patties.
3. Heat 2 tbsp vegetable oil in a large skillet to medium.
4. Add onions to pan, cook until soft, about 4-5 minutes.
5. Raise heat to medium hi and add mushrooms. Cook another 4-5 minutes, until the mushrooms are browned and glossy.
6. Season the onion/mushroom mix with salt and pepper, and remove to a bowl. Wipe out the skillet.
7. Add 1 tbsp of vegetable oil to the skillet, heat to medium-high.
I did just one burger at a time – you know, for illustrative purposes. And because I don’t own a very big skillet.
8. When oil is heated, add burgers to the skillet and cook 3 minutes.
9. Flip and cook another 2 minutes.
10. Add the toppings to burgers – onion/mushroom mix, jalepenos, and cheddar on one, and onion/mushroom, olives, and feta on the other.
11. Add beer to the skillet. Cover and steam for 3 minutes, until cheese is melted.
The beer gave its’ life for deliciousness.
12. Put onto buns and enjoy your mouth-watering steamed hams.
So far as most people see it, a proponent of grilling has to choose one of two camps – charcoal or gas. The gas users say that charcoal is inconvenient and can provide inconsistent heat. The charcoal users say that gas doesn’t get quite as hot and doesn’t impart that distinctive charcoal aroma. Meanwhile, the guys who cook over hardwood just laugh, take a slug of whiskey from the bottle, and call both of them pussies. And not wanting to be called such, I’ve always wanted to try my hand at smoking. Which brings us to today’s recipe, a tangy, smoky brisket inspired largely by Mike Mills’ excellent Peace, Love and BBQ.
At it’s heart, the practice of grilling is about taking something ordinary and making it excellent through skill, practice, and sheer force of will. Nowhere is that more evident than with brisket. You take a tough, fat-covered cut that most meat departments don’t even stock, and you turn it badass – much like Mr. Miyagi did to Daniel Russo. Except, you know, Miyagi didn’t end up eating him. But if it helps you to put on some badass ’80s music in hope of a montage, you go right ahead, sport.
Ingredients
1 beef brisket ~7 lbs.
1 c apple juice
Mustard Slather
1/4 c yellow mustard
1/4 c Dijon mustard
1/4 c apple cider vinegar
1/4 c beer
Rub
1 c sugar
1/2 c brown sugar, dried
1/3 c seasoned salt
1/3 c celery salt
1/3 c paprika
3 tbsp ancho chile powder
2 tbsp fresh ground black pepper
1 tbsp lemon pepper
2 tsp ground sage
2 tsp mustard powder
1/2 tsp thyme
The Setup
Sure, it says “Smoker,” but it’s the blackening that really convinces me
- First thing’s first – if you want to smoke, you’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that you’re going to need an entire day. And probably half of the previous evening. If this is unacceptable, then go get yourself a chicken caesar wrap from Applebees, Sally Mae.
- For this job, you’re going to need a smoker. I know that a lot of BBQ cookbooks try to throw grill-owners a bone and say that you can use indirect fire and wood chips, but that’s not going to work. You most likely won’t have a side door to drop in fresh coals on your kettle grill, and you don’t want to be lifting the lid every time you need to add heat. Just get a smoker. You can snag one for about $65.
When starting coals, make sure you’ve got a friend nearby in Chuck Taylors. You know, for atmosphere.
- You’re also going to need a metal bucket, or a chimney starter with a stone or metal sheet under it to keep prepared coals ready. When you’re cooking low and slow, you can’t be throwing on unlit coals and hope they’ll catch at 230 degrees.
- Get a pair of comfortable tongs. You’re going to be transferring a lot of lit coals. A lot. You don’t want to end up with some sort of clawed hand, like you’re a 13 year old boy 48 hours after the new Victoria’s Secret catalog comes in the mail.
- Also good? Suede grilling gloves. As you may imagine, a bucket of coals is hot as fuck.
Gentlemen make sure to not giggle when saying “probe” … more than three times.
- Keep a probe thermometer on hand to keep an eye on the smoker temperature and check the brisket when it’s nearly done. Also keep a spray bottle to spritz the brisket when you have to turn it.
- The type of hardwood you use (apple, mesquite, hickory, etc.) depends on your preference, but make sure it’s small enough to fit in your smoker. Unless you’ve got a wood shop, or are some kind of unholy urban lumberjack, you’re not going to be able to split it at home.
The Night Before
1. Combine dry rub ingredients in a large bowl. If the brown sugar isn’t dry, spread it out on a plate, microwave 15 seconds, break up the clumps, and repeat until dry. Sift to take out any remaining chunks.
2. Reserve ~1/2 c of the rub, storing the rest in a tightly-sealed jar for future use.
3. Whisk together mustard, vinegar, and beer until smooth. Set aside.
4. Place the brisket, fat side up, onto your cutting board. Trim the layer of fat until it’s 1/4″ thick.
5. Cover brisket with mustard slather. Just use your hands. Or a pastry brush if you’re French.
6. Season the brisket well on all sides with the reserved rub. Don’t be stingy, or the horrified looks of your guests will forever haunt your soul.
7. Place into a plastic bag or container, and let marinate overnight, if possible.
Brisket Day
1. Get up early to start the fire. Earlier than you think you need. Resent those still warm in their beds. Consider how early is too early to begin drinking.
2. Use a chimney starter to get a batch of hardwood coals started. Place them in the smoker, along with some smaller pieces of the wood. Continue to burn coals and wood until you have a consistent heat of 230-250 degrees.
Why yes, starting a fire on a third floor wood deck is a very good idea, smartass
3. As the fire builds, take the brisket out of the refrigerator to let it come closer to room temperature.
4. Light another batch of coals in the chimney starter, and either keep them in the starter, or place them into a metal bucket. This is what you’re going to use to regulate the heat.
5. Place the brisket on the grill, making sure that it’s fat side up. That quarter-inch of fat is going to melt through the meat in a way that’s going to make you love life.
6. Keep the temperature between 230-250 for 1 1/2 – 2 hours for each pound.
7. Give the brisket a 90 degree turn at each halfway point in the cooking process. So if you’re cooking for 12 hours, turn with 6 hours left, then 3 hours left, then an hour and a half left, etc.
I wish there were a manlier word to use than “spritz.” I’d consider the term “Man Spray,” but that sounds even worse.
8. When you turn the brisket, spritz the top of the meat with the bottled apple juice.
9. When you think that your delicious slab of meat is done, check for an internal temperature of 185 degrees. If it’s finished, wrap it in aluminum foil and let it rest for 20-30 minutes.
A meal fit for a king. Also fit for Ted Nugent.
10. Slice thin and eat it. You eat the hell out of it.
Ed. Note: This post serves as the introduction to Man B Que’s newest food writer, Stuart. Yet, as we all know, there is no Man B Que without kickass nicknames. Seeing as how Stuart made his bones as a grounds intern for the 2007 Boston Red Sox and now works as a head groundskeeper in the minor leagues, I dub him Dirt Man. Man makes his living in the dirt, and I’m feeling literal today. Feel free to call him Old Dirty Bastard, Dirt McGurt, Big Baby Jesus and all other such nicknames. So shall it be written. Man B Que!
8 good hamburger buns (none of this $0.99 store brand shit – you’ll end up with two handfuls of mushy bread and condiments)
Optional
About 4 c sliced mushrooms, sauteed ahead of time
16 slices smoked bacon, cooked ahead of time
8 thick slices smoked cheddar
Process
1. Preheat the grill to medium-high.
2. Combine diced sausage, pepper, and onion. Sweat mixture in large skillet add a quarter cup of Worcestershire sauce 8 tablespoons of grilling seasoning, and brown sugar cook until thick and combined. Let the mixture cool and combine with ground chuck. Shape into patties.
3. Place burgers on the grill. Brush the burgers with your favorite barbecue sauce as they cook.
4. Once they are almost cooked to your desired degree of doneness, divide the following toppings over the burgers: the sauteed mushrooms, 2 slices of bacon, and 1 slice of cheese, in that order. Cook just until cheese is melted and toppings are heated through.
Tom “Death Chef” Rubeo finally makes it out to the Man B Que and shares one of his delicious pork recipes. This is a perfect example of a great Man B Que recipe; It’s pretty simple but the taste will knock your socks off!
Go ahead and make it. Impress your friends. (Even though they don’t really like you…JK)
The Set-up:
2 cups Apple Juice or Cider
2 cups Water
1/4 cup salt
2 tablespoons Sugar
2 3/4″ or 1″ thick Pork Chops (Loin or Rib)
Directions:
1. Bring the water to a boil and remove from heat, dissolve the salt and sugar in the water.
2. Cool the water down and then add the apple juice, and the pork chops.
3. Refrigerate for 12-24 hours.
4. Grill over high heat about 5 min per side to desired temperature, make sure to watch the chops closely, meat that has been brined tends to cook quickly.
AJ, aka “Meat Coffin,” shares his kick-ass, Chipotle Beer Can Chicken. You’ve never had chicken on the grill that tasted this good. If you say you have, we will call you a liar and break your toes, all of them.
The Set-up:
7oz can of chipotle peppers in adobo
4 limes
8-10 cloves of garlic
salt and pepper to taste
3-4 fresh chopped jalapeño peppers
1 tbsp cumin
1 cup chopped cilantro
half a cup of chopped red onion
Olive oil
1 whole chicken
Directions:
1. Blend: chipotle peppers in adobo, the juice of the 4 limes, garlic salt and pepper to taste, jalapeño peppers, cumin, cilantro, red onion
2. Take one whole chicken (around 5 lbs), rinse and pat dry. Rub the whole chicken with some olive oil, just enough to coat it. Separate the skin from the meat by running your fingers in between the skin and meat, being careful not to tear the skin up (this helps the skin crisp up better when cooking).
3. Spread the blended marinade all over the outside of the chicken, between the skin and meat, and in the cavity. Place in a Ziploc bag and marinade in fridge overnight.
4. Once coals are red hot in a chimney, spread around the outside of a kettle grill, leaving no coals directly in the center, under where the chicken will be placed.
5. Take chicken out and pat dry the skin.
6. Place a half empty beer can (whatever kind is good to chug half of, go cheap, it makes no difference in flavor, especially not with this marinade) in the cavity of the chicken and prop in the center of the grill like a tri-pod consisting of both legs and the can.
7. Cover grill, leaving all vents open.
8. Check every 30 min to make sure bird is cooking evenly. Meat will get done early, but fat needs to melt out of skin and will keep meat moist by basting it as it melts out. Bird will be ready to go in about 2 hours, the skin should be crispy to the point that it seems almost hard.
9. Pull the bird off and enjoy; the bones should easily pull out.
Jumbo, uncooked, peeled and deveined shrimp (As many as you want to scarf down)
Thick sliced bacon, we recommend butcher cut bacon (Half a slice of bacon per shrimp)
Olive oil or melted butter (Man B Que men prefer butter because…we do, dammit!)
Maple syrup (REAL maple syrup, none of the added sugar liquid)
Old Bay Seasoning (Don’t settle for imitation Old Bay)
DIRECTIONS
1. Lightly brush olive oil or butter onto both sides of the shrimp
2. Thoroughly cover each shrimp with the Old Bay
3. Wrap the shrimp in half a slice of bacon and place on a pre-soaked skewer. (Soak skewers in water for about half hour before using so they don’t catch fire while on the grill)
4. Place shrimp on the outside of the grill (charcoal grills work best, if using gas place them on the top rack, if you don’t have a rack, just make sure they aren’t directly over the flame)
5.Cook shrimp on preheated grill for 5 to 7 minutes per side, or until opaque
6. When the shrimp and bacon are cooked, brush on a light layer of maple syrup to both sides and place on the grill for an extra 30 seconds
1. Add all ingredients to a small jar, cover and shake for 2 minutes.
2. Adjust salt and pepper to taste.
This marinade is great for pork and beef. I prefer to use it on skirt steak. Make sure the skirt steak is not completely trimmed of all of it’s fat and be sure to tenderize it thoroughly.
For best results, marinade your meat for over 2 hours, I have even done it over night.
6. Divvy into ramekins or one big sauce dish and refrigerate until your chops are done.
